Tag Archive for kindness

This is Not a Dress Rehearsal


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My mind is running a little wild with something.

Over the last few years I’ve noticed this little insidious thing on social media. There is a lack of willingness to foster authentic relationships. We are full of short cuts & tear downs. No one is here to make sure anyone else makes the climb, and no one is here to make sure others don’t. What I mean by that is the “digital bullying” has to end and the digital soap boxing is tired.

No one is more deserving of ANYTHING than anyone else, if you are working hard on your own path.

I have made a few foes along the way in this business. Most of them have come from quite literally me being assertive or up front. The receiving end decided that because of that, I am not worthy anymore. That is TOTALLY ok. What is not OK, is ganging up on me. It is not ok to be working behind closed doors to actively tear me or other people down. This is happening so much it’s sickening. I see it all over facebook, instagram and also emerging platforms.

You know what I am talking about! The screen grabs, the gossip, the “please don’t like this person because they did XYZ to me”. Everyone has their own truth. Honor that truth. I can be a villain to you if that is your truth, and you can be one to me too. That is OUR business. People have done terrible things to me on the way. I’ve wanted to put them on blast so many times. Oh the dirty bloggers who solicited free stuff never to deliver the promised promotions, or the bitch cliques that just don’t like me because of whatever reason and won’t even sniff in my direction. OK fair enough, we don’t vibe I guess but are we so caught up in relationship shortcuts that we can’t talk things out? – That we don’t give people first chances let alone second ones?  – That any expression of anything but positivity or even pseudo positivity is a confrontation we can’t handle anymore? Subsequently the tidal wave response of shunning occur. This is bullshit. I’m sorry, I have to call it out.

Learn to have a two way conversation with people. I can’t tell you how many times I have not been worth that in the last year. True colors are a blessing in disguise but at the end of the day, sometimes it can turn into bullying, exclusions and ganging up. Let people discover each other without your interference. Thank You.

A client and acquaintance wrote me a letter that they didn’t want to associate with me because of something another person in the business arena said about me. Gee that seems fair? I didn’t even defend myself. I had bought this person’s art, I supported and cherished the digital connection I thought we had. I was genuine in fostering it. Who’s right is it to impune on my relationships, and even business because of a situation they had with me? Frankly and truthfully, a situation that actually had me on the end of the back stabbery but like many times in my life if you’re not even given a chance, it’s just not worth the argument. IfI was approached in a way that allowed me a chance to speak my truth, bridges could be built and this has been sitting on my heart. Ultimately, I have thousands of happy customers to put my faith on for the moment to sail me through the insecurity this causes me, naturally. This was also the second incident in the same month involving a customer who seemed to have expectations of me and a relationship I really didn’t fully grip. Could we not project so much onto internet friends?

14714617_1420132088015878_4196156668502867968_nI’m not going to be awesome to everyone, not everyone is awesome to me.

There are also some issues I have with just trolling for inspirations, rips, cherry picking customers to the point of following my family members to do so, none of this is good karma, and all of this will put you on the outs with me, personally.

We all have a right to lay out our boundaries and be respected. If you’re not respected as a pattern, you drop the axe. It took me SO long to realize it was OK to do that. To those people, I might be a villain and that is their truth. I honor that truth. Infecting others with your truth is kind of like mind washing. It’s unfair and it creates unspoken wars. I see this happening all the time among my personal peers, business peers and just from a distance – especially online.

This is getting us no where as a society. It’s not your responsibility to tear anyone down even if they have hurt you. Your responsibility is to nurture your highest purpose and perhaps even others’.

It’s also time to stop being afraid of our confrontations and learn to use a little more tact. Myself totally included!  Speak up when you need to and pipe down when it’s time.  If it’s not helpful, why go there? How about the just plain out of no where rude or hurtful comments from trolling scrollers? Why is this part of the fabric of digital bullying now too? Slow snipes ad up. Just don’t be that jerk.

I also want to mention, as a business owner it’s illegal to slander someone causing them to lose business to a potential customer. In writing, the proof of such is actionable. Does anyone need anymore reasons to put their words in a box before offering them? (@thisthatandthese taught me that trick!)

Here’s to better relationships, truest colors and brightest intentions, there is no dry run for this. We are living this now – every day is a chance to make advances and set better intentions.



I am so excited to take part in bringing you this super easy #Giveaway full of amazing artist that will result in 18 individual prizes including a signature gemstone and botanical fragrance from my shop and so much more. Just follow these simple steps: To enter: 1)You must #FOLLOW @BethKaya and all of the shops in the loop 2) #LIKE this photo 3) #TAP on this photo to see what shop to move onto next artist to follow. 4) For extra entries, #TAG a friend – When you come back to my page you have finished the loop and are entered in all 18 chances to win! Each shop will post their own winner on this original photo when the giveaway has ended. *Ends (6/13) at 10 pm EST , winners will be announced within 24 hours! **Please note this is in no way sponsored or endorsed by Instagram, Inc. By entering, you confirm that you are at least 13+ years of age, release Instagram of any and all responsibility and are adhering to Instagram’s Term of Use** #goodluck #giveaway #contest #loop #art #etsy #joy #passion #kindness


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✨Anyone about to start those seedlings?✨ Speaking of planting seeds


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Last call for the final lot in our artist sponsored #charity #auction benefitting Giving For Gwendolyn (Facebook). www.bethkaya.com for details and to bid! ✨Tap for contributors to this lot✨ Next week I will share some collage photos of all of the pieces artists contributed over the last 4 Weeks.


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Being Kind in Hollywood


Anyone that knows me is aware I’m a huge fan of the show “How I Met Your Mother”.   It was hard to find a sitcom that was realistic in portraying life after college, the search for love and finding ones ‘self’ for early twenty-something’s. Carter Bays and Craig Thomas manage to create a show that did just that and with this clever sitcom taking their final bow after 9 years on Monday March 31 I thought it would be nice to reprint an article written in 2008 by Josh Radnor who plays ‘Ted Mosby’, the lead character. Rarely do we see acts of kindness in the entertainment industry especially ones that have no financial benefit or gain to the actor. This is a great piece about being kind in show business and how far it can take you in your career but also in life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did when it was first published in the LA times a few years back. 

Kind Over Matter

Basic goodness means little in Hollywood….and everything in life

(Original article from LA Times)

only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.
—Kurt Vonnegut, 
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

Here’s a theory I’ve been kicking around for a few years: Success in Hollywood—being incredibly well paid to do something very few people get the chance to do—won’t make you happier, but it should make you kinder. It never made sense to me that someone would achieve any kind of success in show business, only to become a jerk.

It certainly seems like the unkind—craven, wildly ambitious, stab-you-in-the-back types—are rewarded time and again. But bad behavior generally ensures a short shelf life. The question is really, What kind of person do you want to be once you’ve “gotten” somewhere?

When I left NYU in 1999, the year I turned “pro,” I was on the lookout for examples of what kind of professional actor I wanted to be. Before long, I had the great fortune to work with Judith Light, who, in addition to being wildly talented, seemed to place a premium on kindness. I remember how she greeted everyone with a smile—no matter who they were. She listened as if the fate of the planet depended on hearing someone’s every word.

Maybe it has something to do with my being from the Midwest, but witnessing actors like Judith—and the decidedly less enlightened behavior of others—confirmed my suspicion that it was possible to be both a good person and successful in show business. I realized Vonnegut’s dictum was basically the only Hollywood rule worth following: You’ve got to be kind.

Kind to your fellow actors, to the producers and their spouses, to their assistants and their interns. You’ve got to be kind to the agents and managers (even if you often can’t tell the difference between the two), to the director and the people in wardrobe and props, to the photographer and the valet and the guy working checkout at Whole Foods, to the reporter at the press tour who thrusts a tape recorder in your face and says, “What song makes you want to get up out of your chair and dance?” And you must—and this is much tougher than it sounds in an industry that almost dares you to go insane—extend that kindness to yourself.

It really shocks me when I encounter people who think kindness doesn’t matter. Because I think it’s pretty much the only thing that matters. This should not be mistaken as a call for humorlessness or some naive, fussy moralizing on my part. It’s not about being “good” (a loaded concept, to say the least) or “nice,” which is really just a social convention that often has to do with worrying about being liked (occasionally masking real deviousness). It’s ultimately about compassion, recognizing that all of us are going through it all in our own particular way, no matter our social status.

It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even—or rather, especially—when we’d prefer not to be. For me, it’s simple and not entirely unselfish: When I’m kind, I feel good; when I’m not, I feel horrible. (Of course, the publication of this piece now ensures I will be caught on tape being a total schmuck.)

When my show How I Met Your Mother first went on the air, some people were quietly concerned the job would “change” me, as Hollywood lore is littered with tales of the monsters fame has created. Being a jerk was never all that interesting to me before I was on a television show. Now four years later, I’m happy to report no one has told me I’ve become one (to my face, at least).

Where will any of this get you in Hollywood? Maybe nowhere. That’s not really the point. Kindness is not about instant gratification. More often, it’s akin to a low-risk investment that appreciates steadily over time. One thing I’ve found to be true in show business, as well as everywhere else: Whatever you put out there comes back to you in some form eventually. Hopefully, one day you look around and say, “Hey, I’ve got a pretty nice life full of fantastic people.” If you have a better definition of success, I’d like to hear it.

This is bigger than Hollywood anyway. (Warning: If you think this is all a bunch of touchy-feely nonsense from someone who has clearly spent too much time in California, you might want to stop reading now and flip to the crossword.) I believe our thoughts and words are powerful far beyond what we suspect, that they carry some sort of mysterious heft that ripples outward, like the tiny flap of the butterfly wings causing a hurricane. Our planet is being despoiled in a myriad of provable ways, but might our unkind words be contributing on some level?

Consider it: What if we began to view unkindness as air pollution of the most toxic variety? Would we think twice before sending ozone-depleting nastiness from our lips into the atmosphere?

If you believe, as I do, that the state of the world is inextricably linked to our minds, that the external is a reflection of the internal, our minds are not in great shape. Every act of kindness, then, is not merely a sign of personal virtue. It’s saving the planet—the ultimate fusion of environmentalism, spirituality, compassion and common sense.

Of course, this is just a theory. In a more practical, less metaphysical sense, if you’re kind in Hollywood, people will want to work with you again. And if some unkindness is unavoidable, well, that’s why we have agents (or managers).

Written by Josh Radnor, Original article from the LA Times, 2008

All images from Google images